HOW TO SAY 'SORRY' TO YOUR LOVER!

Our friend and group mate in “OUR VOICES by BOYET ANTONIO,” ROSIE ROSE VILLA of Tanauan, Batangas, posted some very nice suggestions in saying ‘sorry.’

Along with some of my own ideas, here it is:

Say ‘sorry’ ONLY if it’s your fault. If it’s not your fault and you’ll still be the one to apologize, your partner will respect you MUCH LESS THAN BEFORE.

Otherwise, don’t make a big fuss about saying ‘sorry.’ As I’ve written in an earlier blog, sorry is one word that can either make or break a  relationship.

‘Sorry’ can be both spoken and unspoken.

If you want to say it, do it PERSONALLY. Not over the mobile phone or landline or through your mutual best friend.

Say it loud and clear. Not shout, ha! Say it clearly but softly as you look straight in your partner’s eyes while holding his or her hands.

If your partner doesn’t immediately respond, give a really tight hug while repeatedly saying ‘sorry.’ Then, without letting go, top it all with the sweetest and most tender French kiss you can give.

Believe me, boys and girls, this NEVER FAILS. PROMISE.

If you want it unspoken, say it with flowers or things that your partner loves.  If it’s with flowers, DELIVER IT PERSONALLY, and unexpectedly, at work. Or be sure to be home ahead of your partner and welcome him/her with a big bunch of it.

If your partner loves dancing, take or ask him or her out to the best dance club that you can think of. Or go out for a game or two of your partner’s favorite sport.

You can also cook, or buy if you don’t know how to cook, your partner’s favorite dish and prepare lunch or dinner, if you’re living together. If not, invite your partner unexpectedly to your place.

Try to be a little creative if you’re living together.

You can post ‘I’m sorry” signs on the bedroom door and closet before your partner gets home. I know of one case wherein the partners quarreled until late at night, so the guy posted ‘I’m sorry’ on, of all places, the bathroom door.

Just don’t talk about the quarrel again. Go on as if nothing happened.

There’s no point in looking back on something that is just not worth it, else, you will be back to square one.

Last, but perhaps the most important, always value and respect your partner’s feelings. Never do things to hurt him/her deliberately. 30

8 MORE SIGNS LOVE IS VANISHING, FAST!

Both personal and Facebook friends asked me for more indicators after reading our preceding blog “12 Signs You’re Losing Your Lover!”

So here are eight more danger signs you should watch out for:

Your partner starts doing everything you hate or dislike, and argues with you when you take note of it;

From readily giving you his or her mobile phone whenever you want to look into it, your partner gets mad when you ask for it and either refuses outright or takes  a couple of minutes  before handing it over to you.

Instances when the mobile phone is turned off or on silent mode are getting more and more common than before, with staff meetings or business negotiations as the usual reason.

Business meetings or out-of-town trips are getting more and more frequent  than usual, even though he or she is not up for promotion or not a senior executive at work.

And if you could automatically tag along on these trips before, there are now a hundred and one reasons why you no longer can.

Last minute, unexpected overtime work are getting more often, with strict instructions for you to go home ahead and not wait for him or her for dinner and bedtime.

Your partner starts blaming you for each and every quarrel you get into.  It’s always your fault. Never his or hers.

Your partner starts wearing or using accessories and other items like perfume or clothes which weren’t given by you, and never before tried or bought by him or her for personal use.

If you’re living together, your partner’s credit card bills for dinners, mall purchases you never received or even saw, are steadily getting higher monthly, without you seeing the billing statement.

When I was still in media, I came across cases wherein both the man and the woman had their credit card bills mailed to their offices instead of at home.

I’ll have some very practical suggestions on how to win back your lover and save a relationship in future blogs. 30

12 SIGNS YOU''RE LOSING YOUR LOVER!

Before anything else, I’d like to inform you guys of two new features in our LOVEPOST.

From now on, you can view your comments at the “FROM FACEBOOK FRIENDS” column on the top of our main blog. Just click it.  Comments written in the space right after the blog will also be posted in “FROM FACEBOOK FRIENDS.”

“TROUBLED HEART” is for our friends with love problems. Everybody is welcome to post their advice.

To those who had posted, and continue to post comments since LOVEPOST started, please accept my apologies for the long delay.  Thanks for your continued support and God Bless!

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One of our Facebook friends, whom I shall call only as Ms BB of the United Arab Emirates, fears she is starting to lose her boyfriend. She wants to know if signs she has been noticing indicate that her boyfriend is starting to fall out of love with her.

If your lover is starting to fall out of love, here are 12 SIGNS you will see:

Both phone calls and text messages are DECREASING in frequency and getting shorter as days go by.

Complaints of either being TOO BUSY or TOO TIRED to go out with you even for coffee or snacks are getting more often than before.

If he or she readily says ‘Yes’ before, your lover now gives all the possible reasons why you can’t go out on a date.

From being understanding and loving, your lover now finds something wrong in anything you say or do, or even in the clothes you wear, whenever you’re out on a date. As if you never do anything right. 

From quietly accepting who and what you are, your lover’s getting more critical with what he or she doesn’t like about you. Instead of saying it nicely, or politely, your lover’s getting sarcastic and insulting.

From being patient, your lover now raises hell, even in public, at your slightest mistake.

From being sweet, your lover hardly hugs and kisses you anymore, not even a ‘good night’ smack. Instead of being appreciated and returned, your hugs and kisses, or ‘lambing’, are rejected outright, if not deflected.

Your lover no longer introduces you to friends and relatives.

From being inseparable, your lover now wants to spend more time with friends than you, to the point of NOT EVEN ASKING YOU if you’d like to tag along.

Your lover’s losing, or has totally lost, interest in the things you love, like your favorite food or diners, or movies.

From notifying you first, your lover now socializes or does things with or without your permission.

And most of all, your lover’s  getting more and more vocal about another person and why he or she is much better and prettier than you.  30

GETTING MARRIED, STAYING MARRIED!

Getting married isn’t as easy as anyone thinks. Staying married is 10 times more tougher than what you think, whether you’re a guy or a girl.

So here are some basic reminders for couples on both sides of the matrimonial fence that should not be forgotten if they want a truly happy and long-lasting union:

Before, and after, getting married, there are three things you will have to do, and keep on doing, if you want a happy union for the rest of your lives -- SACRIFICING, FOCUSING and LEARNING!

Sacrificing means you have to start minimizing, if not giving up, everything that goes with single-blessedness -- from UNLIMITED and UNRESTRICTED nights out with friends to RECKLESS SPENDING to UNCONTROLLED VICES.

You must start conditioning your mind that the new chapter of your life which you’re about to start will have to TAKE PRIORITY over your TIME, RESOURCES and everything else that you used to enjoy from being single.

Not just for the first few weeks or months but for the rest of your married life, in the eyes of God and law of Man. Especially when the kids start coming.

So you have to start focusing, and stay focused, on your role in the union.

If you’re the guy, giving a decent and comfortable (not necessarily luxurious) life to your wife and would-be kids should be first and foremost on your mind.

You must not stop looking for extra sources of income. Literally and figuratively, you must learn the meaning of PRIORITY, especially when it comes to spending.

While not forgetting your responsibilities to your wife – emotionally, financially and sexually (More on this in future blogs)

For the ladies, NEVER, EVER forget that the household is your responsibility – from the laundry to the kitchen to the bedroom and of course, to your husband and the kids.

Among others, you have to learn how to cook, and I mean COOK WELL! Not just his and the kids’ favorites but other healthy and nutritious but economical or cheap dishes.

To help stretch the budget to the max and still save some of it.

It’s you, not him, who will have to think of how to allocate the budget for all the expenses like food, bills and miscellaneous needs.

And whatever problem crops up along the way, the two of you must talk about it and settle it at once if it’s between the two f you, or act on it if it involves any of the kids.

Don’t wait for any problem to worsen. It’s one of the fastest ways to kill a marriage! 30

LEAVE YOUR LOVER ONCE CHEATING STRIKES!

This is a repost requested by a close, personal friend from Paranaque. I hope you won't mind, guys.

Two female friends of mine, from Las PInas and Pasig, are now broken-hearted following their breakup with their lovers of several years. Reason: ANOTHER GIRL!

So allow me to remind you, boys and girls, on why you should be FIRM AND DECISIVE, and I mean immediately, once CHEATING STRIKES your relationship.

As much as possible, END THE RELATIONSHIP on the spot. 

No matter how long you’ve been together. No matter what hellish or earth-shaking trials you’ve gone through. Whether you caught him in or out of another woman’s bed.

CALL IT QUITS!

The cheating is SOILD PROOF that your partner no longer cares for you. Your feelings are no longer important. You’re just another ordinary person, not the special someone you used to be!

By cheating on you, your partner has thrown to the wind everything you’ve been through together. Especially everything you’ve done to keep the relationship strong and happy.

In other words, everything about you HAS BEEN IGNORED by your partner. What could still be a better, and SANER, reason to go on with the relationship? Think about it, AS HARD AS YOU COULD.

Easier said than done? I’ll still agree. Bur consider these:

If you forgive your cheating partner, there’s NO REAL GUARANTEE it won’t happen again. REGARDLESS of how and what kind of promises will be made to you!

Be REALISTIC, guys. As they say in showbiz, MAGPAKATUTOO KAYO!

Forgiving may be divine, as the Bible says. But when it comes to love, eight out of 10 times forgiving FURTHER EMBOLDENS cheating partners.

Your partner will definitely think “Oh, so I can get away with it with just a few teardrops and an hour or two of sweet nothings” There goes not only the respect for you but more importantly, YOUR DIGNITY.

If you’ll give your cheating partner a second chance, just be sure of two things: You can take, and endure, the repercussions of being looked down on as a SUCKER and you’re tough enough to withstand a more painful form of cheating that will come next.

Otherwise, you’ll only have two places to end up in: the HOSPITAL (regular or mental) or the GRAVEYARD! 30

SET A LIMIT TO ACCEPTING AN APOLOGY!

I got a couple of reactions from  our earlier blog on saying ‘sorry’ emphasizing that is not enough to keep a relationship going.

Let me elaborate, boys and girls.

I agree to that 101 percent. Admitting and apologizing for your mistake is just part of an affair. But as I’ve said, it can determine what rules you, HUMILITY OR PRIDE.

One of the biggest turn ons, and turn offs, for anyone in a relationship.

That’s why I am for a VERY SHORT LIMITATION to accepting an apology. As an old saying goes, ONCE IS ENOUGH, two is too much.

If your partner really loves you, he or she will make it a point not to hurt you again with the same mistake. If it happens again, CALL IT QUITS and file for annulment or divorce depending on where you live.

Remember that friend of mine from London whom I cited as an example in our earlier blog? She revealed that her husband never admitted a mistake, or apologized for one, in the 15 years of their marriage.

Keep this in mind, guys: A person who takes pleasure in hurting his or her partner, physically or emotionally, is a SADIST. Find out for yourself from your psychiatrist how DANGEROUS can this kind of person be.

 So if your partner says ‘sorry’ after a mistake and you accept it, be sure you’ll carry on the relationship as it has always been, as if NOTHING HAD HAPPENED.

Otherwise, if you start appreciating your partner’s efforts to make up HALF-HEARTEDLY, and allow DISTRUST to dictate your every decision in continuing the relationship, it’s you who will be MOST UNFAIR.

And will eventually KILL the relationship, not your partner.

Don’t tell me you would prefer a partner who doesn’t trust you over one who does. You’re in BIG MENTAL TROUBLE if you do.

To minimize, if not immediately rule out, FOOLISH PRIDE in a relationship. TALK THINGS OVER even before you say ‘I love you” to each other.

More of that in future blogs. 30

ONE WORD THAT CAN MAKE, OR BREAK, A RELATIONSHIP!

There is one word which can make or break a relationship, if ignored and left unspoken whenever it has to be.

You guessed it right, boys and girls, ‘SORRY!’

Let’s face it, guys, saying ‘sorry’ when you have to is the BEST and FASTEST way to settle quarrels or even patty misunderstandings.

It wipes out the tension between the two of you, puts the smile back on your partner’s face, patches up the gap created by the spat and, most of all, helps endear you more to him or her.

How? By saying ‘sorry’, you prove to your partner that you have the civility, and the HUMILITY, to admit your mistake if you have to. And nobody in his right mind would let go of a humble lover.

Saying ‘sorry,’ people, won’t hurt, physically or emotionally. Bear that  in mind, especially the ego-trippers out there.

It won’t give you a headache or a stomach ache. It won’t trigger a heart attack, or numb any part of your body. Most of all, IT WON’T DEHUMANIZE YOU or make you A LESSER PERSON!

‘Sorry’ or ‘I’m sorry’ will only take five to 10 seconds at most. Add another 10 to 15 minutes for the ‘lambing’ you’ll do until she smiles.

Saying ‘sorry’ WILL NOT END the relationship. Refusing to say so will.

I have a friend based in the United Kingdom who recently found indisputable proof of womanizing in her husband’s belongings. The husband confessed, but DID NOT say ‘sorry’

My friend waited for an apology, until she got tired, emotionally. When her husband noticed this, he tried to win her back with petty sweet nothings like cooking dinner for her. Still, he did not apologize. 

Now, after 15 years of marriage, all that’ left is for them to sign their divorce papers.

Just because the husband was sky-high on an ego-trip that he wouldn’t say ‘sorry,’ 15 years of marriage are about to be flushed down the divorce toilet.

Anybody here wants a similar ending for the relationship he or she is into?

If your lover does not, and will  never say ‘sorry,’ and even wouldn’t admit mistakes, get out of the relationship, as in IMMEDIATELY! PRONTO!

You’re with a MENTALLY-SICK, if not yet INSANE, person who looks at you not as a sweetheart or spouse but as a catch basin for his or her faults and mistakes.

As far as your partner is concerned, he or she is a PERFECT INDIVIDUAL. You’re not so he or she WILL NEVER owe you an apology, no matter what happens.

That’s being worse than  a SLAVE, or his or her pet dog!  You’re OUT OF YOUR MIND, if you would allow that! 30

  

WHEN IT'S LUST, NOT LOVE!

This is a repost as requested by a friend just 15 minutes ago.

A female former subordinate of mine has just asked my opinion on how can she tell if her boyfriend is only after sex or is sincerely for her love and affection.

I gave her a few tell-tale signs. And these apply not only for single ladies but also for married, two-timing women.

First and FOREMOST, when the guy starts asking for sex MORE OFTEN than simply spending sweet private moments with you, or worse if he sets sex as a pre-condition for anything you want, he just wants to FEAST on your bumpers and your ‘private garden’ for as long as he could.

Second, if he wants to record your sexual encounters on video every time and anywhere you do it.

That means he doesn’t respect your privacy and dignity as a woman. What makes me say so? Consider this: If the guy really loves you, HE WOULDN’T DO ANYTHING that could possibly shame or humiliate you in the eyes of other people.

Don’t tell me you haven’t heard of porn stuff being circulated through mobile phones. If you readily believed that he’s doing it only for his personal and private amusement, you’re nothing less than a SUCKER, much as I hate to say it.

And what physical, rock-solid guarantee can he give you that nobody else will see the video except him?

Third, if your guy French-kisses you as if the world will end the next day even if you’ve only been apart for several hours, or worse, if he licks your ears and neck or caresses your body IN PUBLIC, especially in broad daylight, and gives the flimsy excuse that there’s no problem because you’re in his car or in a secluded corner of the office.

Fourth, if he insists on sex or even some heavy petting even if you’re not feeling well or rushing to finish something for school or for the office.

Fifth, if he GETS MAD and raises hell whenever you reject his sexual advances or requests, and would not even listen to your reason as he slams the door or bangs the phone hard enough to give you an  instant headache as you start hearing a ring tone in your ears.

If you ladies are in any of these situations, GET OUT if you still have some SANITY and self-respect left In you.

Your guy DOESN’T LOVE YOU! You’re not his lover, you’re his SEX TOY! Sex is a part of Love, but Love is not Sex. Keep this in mind, girls: If your partner REALLY LOVES YOU, it’s what you like, what you want or what you need that comes first (that is assuming it’s not illegal or immoral or detrimental to anybody). Not what he wants. 30

CHEAP SECRET TO KEEP YOUR MAN BESIDE YOU!!

Hey girls, here’s a simple and CHEAP secret (actually an OPEN and often OVERLOOKED SECRET) to keep your lover beside you, in or out of the house, to his heart’s delight.

LEARN TO CCOK.  If you already know how, learn some more.  As an old saying goes, the more the merrier.

Always keep this in mind, ladies: Us guys love to eat GOOD FOOD! Not necessarily expensive but good food. We’ll be more than happy to save on costs and the hassles of dining out whenever we can.

We wouldn’t mind staying home, or rushing home from work, if we know that good food is waiting for us.  NO REASON TO GO ELSEWHERE,  or  to look for SOMEONE ELSE,  for something good to eat.

More importantly, learning to cook and serving good food for your man will further make him feel really special, important and most of  all,  LOVED.

Three conditions which we guys look for in sticking to a serious and long-lasting relationship.

Don’t tell me you ladies have not heard of the saying “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

If you still don’t know how to cook, start buying cook books and watching cooking shows. Start with his favorites, and I mean both MAIN DISH AND DESSERT.

But DON’T LIMIT yourself to his favorites.

Learn as many dishes, and cuisines, as you can. From the bookstore and the television set, browse the Internet. Go over free recipes on labels of canned good, watch foreign cooking shows or ask your friends or their friends for dishes you don’t know how to do yet.

Dining out would also be a good source of discovering new dishes. And ask him always what he wants, or he would prefer to eat.

Universally, preparing the food is the job of the partner or the housewife. Don’t you forget that. Even if you’re a working wife or partner, us guys would still expect some good food from you.

Even once or twice a week.

Good cooking makes a more COMPLETE wife or partner. Once a guy finds a complete wife or partner, he’ll stick to it  FOREVER. Trust me!

PROS AND CONS OF JEALOUSY!

Jealousy has been an age-old problem worldwide for lovers.

Like any other consideration in love, jealousy has its pros and cons.  Let me remind you of a few realities for both sides.

The biggest pro of jealousy is it’s a PROOF, and a REASSURANCE, of your love for your partner.

Jealousy is one of the SWEETEST REMINDERS that somebody loves and cares for you. You’re the MOST IMPORTANT PERSON for that someone so you must be thankful and must treasure it in every possible way.

We all look for importance in a relationship, don’r we?

Remember, being neglected or taken for granted are among the most common reasons why people in a relationship still look for other lovers. Don’t tell me anybody disagrees.

Jealousy will also show to your partner that you’re TOUGH!

Tough enough to stand up and speak for your right if you have to and to draw the line between what is allowed and what is not in your relationship.

In doing so, you will show that you’re somebody who deserves RESPECT. And anybody who has a tough and respectable partner will NEVER think of looking for someone else while they’re together.

Just be sure that your jealousy is JUSTIFIED, or RATIONAL

Be jealous only if you have to, like for example: When your partner TIGHTLY HUGS as in, a supposed close friend for a minute or so instead of the usual few seconds, or French kisses him or her instead of the traditional  buzz on the cheeks.

Or if your partner spends A LOT MORE TIME talking to a friend than you while you’re on a date, especially to the point of IGNORING you altogether, and not even introduced to the other person.

If there’s no solid reason to be jealous, DON’T BE.  Distrust breeds quarrels, and eventually fiery arguments. Whatever you for or however you value each other will be MEANINGLESS.

There will NEVER BE PEACE in your relationship or union. End game – SEPARATION OR DIVORCE.

NOBODY would want a partner who doesn’t trust him or her. Patience runs out.  Never, ever have the DELUSION that it won’t, no matter how much you think your partner loves you.

Anyone who doesn’t feel or see any trust from his or her partner will always look for, and readily go after, somebody else.

You will be the loser, not your partner.

Separation or divorce, however, can be avoided with one simple trick –TALK THINGS OUT! More of that in future blogs.

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FROM OUR FRIENDS:

JOY URBI of Hong Kong

True iyan, Sir Yet. From Now on, I’ll use my head.

ELOISA SENESIO of Dasmarinas, Cavite.

Me? I will follow GOD (and ask Him) to direct my head and heart. HE knows what is the best for us. Not our will but HIS will !

CASIANO MAYOR of  Jeddah, Saudi Arabia

This is a nice blog, my friend. Keep it up. Wish you all the best luck.

ESTHER UY-OCO of Oceanside, California, USA

Pag-ibig mahirap iyan. Hindi mo alam kung saan ka dadalhin.

SHEILA ENSOY GLOVA of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA

Hi, Mr. Boyet. Ang ganda po!

MANNY ESQUIVIAS of Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Entering into a relationship is really a big risk. No assurances if you'll win or lose. Most of the time, you lose. Such is life. Unfair.

RITCHIE TIEN

Wow, saw it na Boyet. Very nice blog! Congrats!

ANDY SANCHEZ

‎

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.." I Cor. 13

BILL SAGUING of  Rome, Italy

Super like this, Kasamang  Boyet! 30

FOLLOW YOUR HEART, BUT USE YOUR HEAD!

A question often asked in today’s materialistic world is what should a person use in falling in love, the HEART or the HEAD?

 

I say the heart. Follow your heart BUT USE YOUIR HEAD!

 

Time are hard, no question about it. So tough for some, especially for those who are depended on by their families, that financial security takes priority over personal happiness.

 

A very SERIOUS MISTAKE that you will regret for the rest of your life.

 

Believe me, people, money is MEANINGLESS without someone you love to share it with. Be it in the millions or just in the thousands.

 

Surely, we’ve all read or heard of a story or two about adultery by a commoner spouse of a filthy rich person. Or of a super wealthy person who admitted to LONELINESS OR BOREDOM after amassing all the money or success he or she had always dreamed of.

 

Tell me you wouldn’t want to end up like them, boys and girls.

 

Even ordinary mortals can prove what I’m saying for themselves with a very simple test.

 

Compare the time when you had a sweetheart whom you really loved and shared sweet and happy moments with, even though there were instances that you survived only on sweetened banana barbecues and one can of soft drink because you had no money.

 

To the times when you were with someone purely out of financial security, or you were earning more than you wanted and can afford anything you want,  but was ALONE!

 

With which were you happier? Where did you feel more satisfied and fulfilled?

 

I’m NOT SAYING that you should love BLINDLY with your heart.

 

No matter how much you love a person, you must use your head in handling the affair.

 

Be sure that your feelings will be reciprocated.

 

You must see to it that your partner will respect and care for you as much as you do for him or her.  Your partner must always be with you through thick and thin, in good times and in bad, in trouble or in peace.

 

One who will not abandon you in hell or high water. A lover who loves you for who you are, and not what you are, what you have or what he or she wants you to be.

 

If you don’t see these in your partner,  GET OUT of the relationship, and I mean FAST!       

 

Your partner DOESN’T LOVE YOU!

 

Your partner’s a USER or an OPPORTUNIST or both. After getting what he or she wants, and finding somebody younger, sexier, richer and prettier or handsomer,  that’s it for you.

 

You’ll be worse than a USED RAG which must be disposed of, pronto. Promise! 30