SPREAD OUT YOUR LOVE IN 2012!

Allow me, boys and girls, to suggest an additional New Year’s resolution to all of you:

SPREAD OUT YOUR LOVE in 2012.

Not just to your spouses or sweethearts, and their families, or members of the opposite sex. And I don’t mean collect more boyfriends or girlfriends, or mistresses and lovers, either.

Spread out your love to the poor, the sick, the abused and the needy, and to our beloved country. But DON’T EXPECT anything in return.

Start sharing your blessings with the poor. Ask around for houses of charity or organizations for charity work, like Caritas, that you can visit to give your donation.

If you’re already supportive of charity work, increase your share to best of your ability. It doesn’t have to be something big. Any amount will go a long way.

If it’s the sick that you want to help, you can see them for yourselves in charity wards of the Philippine General Hospital or the Jose Reyes Memorial Medical Center, both in Manila.

For the needy, like disaster victims, you can go to various foundations and organizations which are regularly cited in media for their help.

The abused, like victims of injustice and brutality of law enforcers or government officials, can be found mostly in media, too. Be more attentive to their needs when you hear them in radio or see them on television and help in any way you can.

For love of country, join the growing ranks of those who openly denounce abuses or expose anomalies in government.

Be on the lookout yourself for major problems which are either being neglected or poorly addressed, like traffic, and voice out your concerns and ideas in media or the Internet.

Just one thing: React, decide and make your move based ONLY ON FACTS.  Don’t be brainwashed or manipulated by consistent, self-serving or ‘pa-pogi’ press releases.

We all dream of peace, harmony and unity.

Not just in our homes or among our families but in our surroundings, our communities, our country.

Love can make that happen, boys and girls. Take my word for it.

A truly prosperous, blessed and peaceful New Year to one and all. God bless and may all your dreams come true. Thanks a lot for your continued support. 30

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE HAPPY!

A personal friend of mine from Meycauayan in Bulacan, whom I’ll just call Celia, has been getting less than half of his husband’s salary as a seaman since 2003.

Worse, she learned he recently declared to his family that if only she weren’t sick, he would have left her and their kids a long time ago. She confronted him and demanded for a separation.

He didn’t agree. But Celia wants to end the marriage. 

I’m not an advocate of separation, but I couldn’t help but agree with her.

To get a lot less than what you deserve is one thing. But to be insulted with your ailment is another story, especially if you’re living up to your responsibilities to your kids.

In fairness to Celia, she’s a working mom but her kids are consistently among the top students in their classes.

We all deserve respect. No one, not even your spouse, has the right to deprive you of it without any justifiable reason. Especially if the person who’ll disrespect you could not even be on his or her own.

Since her husband is abroad, I strongly suggested that she formally declare with finality to him and his parents her desire for a separation.

I also asked Celia to start talking to a lawyer for the proper division or disposition of their conjugal properties and visitation and other rights to the kids.

But she should see to it that she’ll explain the situation COMPLETELY AND CLEARLY to the children.

I told Celia she should emphasize to the kids that the problem is only between her and their dad, so they should continue respecting and loving him as their father.

It would be difficult at first for the kids, yes. But I added it would better than to continue seeing or hearing them arguing more often than not, even on the phone or through e-mail.

The kids would be confused or depressed, or both. When that happens, I told Celia it would be a lot more painful and tougher on her part.

Ladies, especially housewives, separation should be the last option in any relationship.

But if all your efforts to save it mean NOTHING to your partner, if things are getting worse by the day and other people are already being affected, then it’s time to quit.

Martyrdom is not for anything or everything. One failed relationship doesn’t mean the end of the world.

You deserve to be happy. You have the right to be happy. 30

LADIES, WATCH OUT FOR THIS IN 2012!

Shirley of Bacoor, Cavite, is about to take on a new boyfriend for 2012 after being alone for more than two years. She has her own small business. The guy is an ordinary employee in a private company.

She’s requesting for some signs of an opportunist or a user.

I wrote an earlier blog about this several months ago. Allow me to share some excerpts with Shirley and the rest of you ladies can watch out for this menace in 2012.

The guy’s a USER if:

When it’s you who spends most of the time, IF NOT ALWAYS, on your dates.

When he asks or demands that you treat him to expensive restaurants or bars, and doesn’t pledge to share even a peso for the bill.

When more often than not, he asks you to pay for what he likes, even though he doesn’t need it, at the mall or at the supermarket.

In all of these three signs, he throws tantrums or loses his cool whenever you turn him down. Neither does he show or express any shame for not being able to pay or share in the bill.

Whenever you say you have no money, the guy would rather stay home or go somewhere else than be with you. He comes up with all kinds of reasons just to avoid you.

He insists on meeting your rich or influential friends for no clear reason. He forces himself into accompanying you to parties or events wherein you’ll be with very important people, even without you asking him to.

Once you’re in the event, he sees to it that you’ll find a way to introduce him to them.

He demands, and not just requests, for your help, financial or whatever, to ease or solve the problems of his family members and loved ones.

The guy doesn’t express or show any ambition in life. He has no plans on how to earn more or on how to succeed at work.

HE DOESN’T HAVE ANY INTEREST at all on how to start even a small-scale business to be financially independent.

HE NEVER CONSULTS you on what can he do to at least uplift the quality of his personal life and ease your burden in looking after his needs and welfare.

Once you see any of these signs, break up with him as soon as possible. For your boyfriend, you’re not his sweetheart. You’re his piggy bank. 30

HOW TO LOVE IN 2012!

It’s just five days before 2012 so allow me to suggest an early New Year’s resolution to all of you.

Learn to love CORRECTLY, and WISELY.

If you’ll look for a sweetheart, don’t just go for the looks or the financial capability, or both. Good looks fade with age and stress, money disappears once it’s all spent.

Fall in love only with, among others, someone who’s responsible, honest, caring and God-fearing. 

Choose one who knows his or her duties and rightful place in a relationship, and is mature enough to observe and carry these out.

He or she only does what is right and moral, and will always lead and guide you into the righteous path.

Again, as an old song goes, that person must love you for what you are, and not what you have or what he or she wants you to be.

Your choice must also be someone who is visibly caring and concerned to his or her loved ones, and never backs off or disappears in times of trouble or distress.

And once you’re into a relationship, love with all of your heart. But know the limits of everything.

Always keep your self-respect.

Be the first to adjust if you want to but stop, and SPEAK UP, once it’s clear that you’re being exploited and used for his or her ego trip or any other purpose.

No matter how much you love your sweetheart, always stand up to what is right, even if he or she will get mad or disappointed.

You have to accept your sweetheart and his or her bad traits or imperfections, yes.

But some bad traits, like drinking and smoking, can be stopped if the person wants to. So if your lover won’t quit, or even start to quit, despite your pleadings and explanations, it’s useless to continue the affair.

Especially if these bad habits are already doing more harm than good to you as the partner and to the relationship.

As I’ve said before in an earlier blog, follow your heart when you fall in love. But use your head, whenever you have to. 30

LOVE OF FELLOWMEN COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS!

Love of fellowmen could have spelled the difference between life and death.

A 12-year-old boy was shot and killed by a supermarket guard before Christmas Day in Cagayan province for stealing food for his family’s Noche Buena. Reports said it happened in Tuguegarao.

A tragic waste, no doubt. What the boy did was wrong, yes, but the guard could have just overpowered or wrestled him to the ground.

But there is a bigger tragedy here.

This heartbreaking misfortune could have been PREVENTED if only there was a KIND HEART OR TWO who shared some of their blessings with the boy. I dare say this even if I did not witness the whole thing because otherwise, the kid would not have gone to the extent of stealing.

If even ONLY ONE GOOD SAMARITAN had shared something to eat with the boy and his family he would still be alive today. And I’m not saying bags and bags of groceries.

Even a few sandwiches and some soft drinks would have made the difference. Obviously, the kid was driven to stealing because he and his family couldn’t stand the hunger anymore.

I hope the people who had ignored this kid when he approached them for alms could still sleep at night.

In my blog “Start Giving Love For Christmas, Now” I pointed out the value of sharing one’s blessings with the needy, like abandoned kids and senior citizens and orphans. Allow me to reiterate that now.

LET’S NOT WAIT for a replay of this tragedy in Cagayan, wherever we are.

There are HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS, or probably even millions, of our countrymen who hardly have anything to eat. They, too, are prone to going beyond the limits once hunger and the cries of their loved ones become unbearable.

Let’s prevent that from happening.

Don’t waste time in giving excess food, and cash, once you come across a hungry individual (s). Whether or not they beg you personally or you learn about them from other sources, like media, respond with whatever you can.

That incident in Cagayan could happen again, anytime anywhere. Somebody you know, or the child of someone you know, could be next.

Unless you, or somebody else, will be kind enough to ease the pain they’re suffering.

If it does happen to someone you know, believe me, it would TEAR YOUR HEART APART. Especially if you had been approached for help by the kid and had refused to give anything, even if you had something extra.

Remember, kindness won’t make you sick. It won’t send you to jail or drive you to poverty. You won’t lose your job or any of your personal possessions.

Keep that in mind, please! 30

THIS IS DECEPTION, NOT LOVE!

Have a truly merry, blessed and bountiful (especially to the kids, he he he) Christmas, everybody. Let’s all mark this day not only as the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ but also as our own re-birth, in Love and Forgiveness.

I was enjoying my Christmas eve with the family when I got a private message from one of our regular readers, whom I’ll hide under the name Ian of Baguio City.

Ian had just tried to break up with her married boyfriend but the guy refused. He threatened instead to drive his car down a ravine if she’ll leave him. She doesn’t know how to handle the situation.

I immediately replied to Ian that the guy’s just fooling her, that it’s nothing less than emotional blackmail.

I told her ‘May magpapakamatay bang nagpapaalam pa kung kalian at paano ang gagawin (Would anybody intent on committing suicide inform concerned parties and say when and how will the suicide be)’?

Second, I pointed out to her that she herself admitted that the guy never left his family since they started out several years ago.

But now, he claims he’ll kill himself if she goes. As if saying, he’s willing to leave his family for her.

So WHY DIDN’T HE right from the start, if he really lover that much, I told Ian. The guy’s supposedly a businessman so he has the money for a lawyer and an annulment. Why didn’t he file for one? How do you reconcile that?

Next, I asked Ian what’s her guarantee that the guy wouldn’t leaver her if he meets somebody younger, prettier, sexier and more professionally successful than her?

To top it all, I suggested a simple test to Ian. For those in a similar predicament, consider this:

Ask the guy to initiate annulment proceedings as soon as possible. Require him to sign all the papers IN YOUR PRESENCE before he starts it.

After he signs the papers, DEMAND that you must be informed of where the annulment will be filed. Then, ask anyone in your family, or your most trusted friend, to verify it for you.

If he refuses to go for annulment, or deceives you in the supposed filing of the case, then he’s FOOLING YOU and is only AFTER SEX, AFTER YOUR BODY hanggang sa pagsawaan na niya (until he’s had enough of it).

And even if he does file an annulment case, impose a NO SEX condition while it’s in the works.

If he really loves you, that wouldn’t be a problem. If he refuses, then he’s only after a FREE FUCK. Time to kick her out of your life, FOR GOOD! 30

A VERY SWEET, AND FREE, CHRISTMAS GIFT!

For those who still don’t have money for a gift for their lovers, here’s something FREE but VERY SWEET that you might want to consider giving as a Christmas present:

SING to your sweetheart, or spouse.

Hold the hands, look straight in the eyes and sing straight from your heart, or with all the feelings you have deep inside.

Sing with or without any accompaniment, and whether or not you’re in tune. Your sweetheart or spouse will listen, and is interested, in your voice, not the instrumental background.

Choose an appropriate song, and not just anything you can think of.

I suggest an appropriate Christmas carol, like “You’re All I want for Christmas.” You can also render you’re theme song as lovers, or his or her personal favorite.

Whatever song you choose, just be sure to sing it properly, and seriously. Your song will be another proof, and manifestation, of your love for him or her.

If you make fun out of the song, or belt it out without feeling, it will mean nothing to your sweetheart or spouse. Instead of admiring and loving you more, you’ll just turn him or her off, believe me.

When you finish singing press both hands, keep the eye-to-eye contact and, in the sweetest way you can, whisper “I love you.”

Then seal it with a truly tender smack.

If your sweetheart or spouse really loves you, trust me, you’ll melt his or her heart and get the tightest hug and the sweetest kiss you’ve ever had since you became lovers.

Love is the sweetest, and best, gift anyone can ask for. Not just for Christmas but every single day of the year.

But if your sweetheart or spouse will not appreciate your singing, and worse insult you for failing to give something material instead, then he or she doesn’t really love you.

It will be proof that you’re wasting time with a material girl or material boy.

A situation that MIUST END, IMMEDIATELY. 30

HEARTLESS HUSBANDS FOR CHRISTMAS!

Two personal friends of mine, one from Paranaque whom I’ll call Jane, and the other from Binan in Laguna whom I’ll call Vera, are both working mothers and still living with their husbands, who also both work.

But here’s the catch -- Up to now, they’re still not sure if their kids can enjoy even a very modest NOCHE BUENA.

You know why? Their husbands DON’T GIVE A DAMN.

Jane had bluntly told her husband weeks earlier that they don’t have any savings left, as in none, for Noche Buena. He said he’ll see what he can do.

But Jane told me right before I wrote this blog that he hasn’t done anything, as in NOTHING, yet.

Vera, who’s a rank-and-file government employee, asked for noche buena money from her husband. You know what he said? He doesn’t have money because he has had a lot of PERSONAL EXPENSES lately.

Take note, people, PERSONAL, NOT FAMILY EXPENSES.

I felt my blood pressure shoot up to my head, boys and girls. I’m also a guy but my immediate reaction was “WHAT KIND OF ANIMALS are these?”

Even if we’re in a season of love and forgiving, this degree of INSENSITIVITY, especially since kids will also be affected, is UNFORGIVABLE for me.

These husbands are NOT REAL MEN! These bastards are ATHEIST GAYS and USERS WITHOUT BALLS.

They turn their backs on their RESPONSIBILITIES and assume the position of the wife, who shouldn’t be worrying about finances.

They don’t give a shit if their kids will suffer. They conveniently leave the headache to Jane and Vera. 

That’s why the only suggestion I gave to my friends is to SEPARATE A.S.A.P. from their husbands, brutal as it may seem. Or at the very least, start RECONSIDERING VERY SERIOUSLY their marriage.

They’ve been going through this ordeal for years already.

To those in the same situation as Vera and Jane, start asking your parents, brothers or sisters, relatives or even friends for help.

It won’t be easy, I agree. But having a decent Noche Buena will at least minimize whatever pain and self-pity they will feel, while keeping the Christmas spirit in their hearts.

After the holidays, start saving on your own and begin orienting the kids to the real personality of your husband and its effects on your family.

That is if you won’t separate from him yet. The longer you delay, the more painful it will be in the future, believe me. 30

SPEAK UP, TO AVOID QUARRELS!

Here’s one simple way to avoid lovers’ quarrels: SPEAK UP if you have to!

If you’re upset over something that your lover has done, say so IMMEDIATELY! Do it as calm as you can, and privately as much as possible.

Say EVERYTHING you want to say. Explain your disappointment clearly. But be sure to listen to your lover’s side too. As I often say, a relationship must always be two-way.

If your lover’s explanation is valid, ACCEPT IT unconditionally!

If you’re confused over your lover’s actions or words, ask for a clarification at once. Point out specifically what you don’t understand and ask for a detailed explanation.  

If you’re disappointed over anything, as in anything, voice it out and explain to your lover why.

Don’t be shy to suggest or recommend what you think will improve the situation, or make him or her a better person. It’s your right, and one of the best manifestations you can make to prove your love.

But as I’ve also written before, you must respect your lover’s limitations if your disappointment is due to it.

Whatever the scenario, speak up as often as necessary.

Your lover may just have forgotten your sentiments because of his or her job, or schoolwork or problems within the family.

You have to take this to consideration, at least initially.

If your sweetheart or spouse really loves you, he or she will listen and act at once. But hey, don’t expect overnight results, especially if your lament (for example, vices) could not be undone in one click.

If your lover won’t listen, that only means he or she doesn’t really love you.

In that case, stop wasting your time, and emotions. Move on and find true happiness. 

                                                                 30

THESE SIGNS MEAN TRUE LOVE!

One of our friends, whom I’ll hide under the name Jenny of Muntinlupa, has started out with a new boyfriend after almost three years of being alone.

She wants some tips on how can she tell if the guy really loves you.

Allow me, boys and girls, to reply to Jenny with these excerpts from an earlier blog I had written precisely about this issue. Boys, you can pass this to your daughters, sisters, relatives and friends.

Your boyfriend really loves you if:

He is as caring and concerned as the day he started courting you.

If he wants a date but you have to finish something for the office or for school, he won’t insist and will instead help in any way he could.

Whenever you have a problem, at home or at the office, HE DOESN’T DISAPPEAR and is with you ALL THE WAY until it is solved.

He is as worried as you if there is a sick or problematic member of your family. Not just verbally but through action, like accompanying you and the sick to the doctor or in helping you think of and finding solutions to then problem.

Unless he’ll be tied down to work or other circumstances beyond his control, he sees to it that he brings you home nightly, especially if the weather’s terrible or  you’ll finish late at school or at work.

He is as sweet as ever with you.

He still opens doors for you, pulls your chair whenever you dine out, goes out of the car or the cab first and takes your hand as you follow and patiently waits for you and doesn’t eat ahead if you arrive late at your date,

He calls or gets in touch with you as often as usual if he's on an out-of-town assignment.

He speaks his mind out when he thinks you’re wrong, not just about your relationship but with anything else. This means he really loves you because he wants you to be a better person.

And he never humiliates you in front of anybody whenever you’re at fault. 30

IT'S TIME TO QUIT IF ...

One of our readers, whom I’ll call Leny of Manila, has fallen out of love with her husband and is already struggling just to endure his abuses.

But she hasn’t separated from him, yet, because their kids are still too young. She’s asking if she’s doing the right thing.

When a relationship or marriage is already doing more harm than good, or will do more harm than good as days pass, to either one of the partners or the kids if any, it’s time to call it quits.

I’m not an advocate for separation. I’ll be all out to save a relationship whenever I could. But an unwritten rule in EVERY relationship, and I mean no exceptions, is it has to be a two-way affair.

Anybody correct me if I’m wrong but there’s no law or word of God which says even if one is in a hellish life or on the brink of insanity, he or she can’t get out of an affair or marriage.

Saving a relationship or marriage as much as you can is perfectly alright.

But if your partner doesn’t want to save it, regardless of whatever you do, then the only alternative left is for you to go.  You will have to accept the reality that like cancer, there’s no more cure for it.

It won’t be easy, yes. But the longer you tolerate it, believe me the TOUGHER and MORE PAINFUL it will be, both for you and the kids if there are any, when you finally do so in the future.

Kids need their fathers in their growing-up years, yes.

But if they see you fighting more often than not, or ignoring each other as if  both of you don’t exist, DON’T EXPECT the to GROW UP PROPERLY.

They will be CONFUSED and PSYCHOLOGICALLY and EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE. So don’t be shocked if this instability results to unlawful or immoral acts as they get older.

When that happens, not having separated from your husband or partner and explaining the situation to the children early on will be the mistake you’ll regret for the rest of your life.

The only justification I know for continued but unnecessary suffering is psychological instability. No offense meant to anybody. Preventing this will only be up to you.

Sometimes, reality is very difficult to accept. But there’s no other choice for us but to MOVE ON with our lives. I had written an earlier blog on when only must one sacrifice for love. Check it out.

One thing I’ll assure you, for every sorrow, happiness follows. Just have Faith. Leave everything to God!  30

3 SECRETS TO A LASTING RELATIONSHIP!

Here are three very simple but often overlooked secrets to a lasting love affair.

First and foremost, stick to the rules, or dos and don’ts you have agreed upon when you started out, to the letter. And I mean unconditionally.

If you want exceptions or plan to disregard any, be sure to discuss it first with your partner and better have a rock-solid explanation ready.

Explain first before you disobey, to avoid misconceptions by either one of you.

And not the other way around, which would be disregarded as a disrespect at the very least by your partner.

Second, be FAITHFUL, INSIDE AND OUT!

As I had written in our blog “How to keep your lover’s trust,” inform your partner of anything and everything he or she must know, especially new and/or persistent admirers.

To avoid quarrels, the two of you can discuss and agree right from the start what each other considers infidelity.

For example, a friendly hug or kiss on the cheek means nothing to the broadminded and educated. But to the semi or unschooled, it’s proof of an illicit affair by the other partner.

Keep in mind whatever forms of unfaithfulness you’ll agree upon and avoid them at the very first sign or opportunity, to help you remain faithful.

Third, RESPECT YOUR PARTNER, AND YOURSELF.

Whether you agree or not, respect his or her principles and decisions at all times. Unless these will lead to trouble or bigger problems, obey or give way.

Don’t force your partner to change his or her ways and line of thinking solely to your liking. As an old song by the Carpenters goes, you’ve got to love your partner for what he or she is, not what you want him or her to be.

Forcibly molding your partner to your desired image will mean nothing else than your non-acceptance of who he or she is.

Anybody who feels unacceptable to his or her partner would end the relationship as soon as possible, even if only to maintain dignity and self-respect.

For the truly in love, practicing these three secrets won’t be a problem. 30

HOW TO KEEP YOUR LOVER'S TRUST!

Keeping the trust in a relationship isn’t really a problem.

Be TRULY TRANSPARENT. I mean, truly but REASONABLY transparent with your lover.

First, never hesitate to inform your partner immediately of anything he or she must know. Most especially if it’s about your ex-lover, like an invite or a gift, or about a new or persistent admirer.

Do so even if you think there’s nothing wrong in not revealing it.

Remember, an unwritten rule in a relationship is both partners have the right to know everything about each other, with emphasis on what can possibly affect the affair.

So, never hide anything from your lover. It’s one of the best ways for you to show that you really love him or her. You don’t hide anything because you’re honest in your relationship.

Keep your sweetheart in the dark only for two reasons: You want to surprise him or her, or the issue is rather unpleasant and solely about your family or a family member.

Family issues or concerns are confidential, and should always be treated and respected as such, by your lover.

He or she will be exempted only when you’re married.

Or if your lover is the only one who can help solve the problem, and that to do so, he or she will have to be fully briefed of the situation.

Concealment results to suspicion and distrust. Suspicion and distrust weakens, and eventually kills a relationship.

Transparency breeds trust and confidence. Trust and confidence strengthens a relationship. A strong relationship will lead only to one thing – LONG-LASTING HAPPINESS. 30

START GIVING LOVE FOR CHRISTMAS, NOW!

The top-selling carol by the Jackson 5, “Give Love on Christmas Day,” has been burning the airwaves with just days to go before Christmas.

Consider applying the message in real life, with ONE ALTERATION: Instead of giving it on Christmas Day, let’s begin giving love for Christmas, NOW.

Not just to our families and friends but to the POOR, SICK and the NEEDY.

Scores of the less-fortunate are all around us.

They roam the streets begging for alms. They sleep on the sidewalks. They dig into garbage bags to search for food. The sick among them fill the charity wards of hospitals.  Orphanages and homes for the aged never run out of residents.

No matter how much or how little, any extra money or food, or possessions we can share will be a very big help for them.

Start with your poor neighbors, if any, or long-time friends. Prioritize those whom you know are uncertain of having food for noche buena.

Or send your donations to your parish churches, or known pro-poor foundations like Caritas

A heartwarming alternative can be a visit to abandoned kids, for example at Hospicio de San Jose or Asilo de San Vicente de Paul, both in Manila, or Tuloy sa Don Bosco near the Alabang Town Center in Muntinlupa.

Or to forgotten senior citizens, for example those at Elsie Gaches Village (I hope I got it right) also in Muntinlupa.

Two of the good places to find sick people with no money for medicines or doctors are the Philippine General Hospital and Jose Reyes Memorial Medical Center, both in Manila.

If you want to be really anonymous, you can just drive around town or go on a joyride with friends if you don’t have a car and share your blessings with the poor you’ll see along the way.

You can also send donations to on-going relief efforts for victims of disasters or tragedies. A personal visit to them at evacuation centers would also be interesting.

There are a thousand other ways to share your blessings. Money, food, clothes, medicines are among the most common needs of the poor.

I repeat, it’s not the amount or the quantity that counts. It’s the kindness, the effort of helping someone even in your own little way.

Remember, Jesus Christ Himself had said “Whatever you do to the least of my bretheren, you do unto me! 30

INVITATION FROM AN EX-BOYFRIEND!

A reader who asked to be called only as Ana of Quezon City is being invited for dinner by his ex-boyfriend, for old time’s sake. They had parted as friends but she already has a new boyfriend.

She’s asking if it’s alright for her to accept the invitation.

My advice: Inform your boyfriend about it first. If he won’t allow you, and you really love him, then you have no other choice but to obey. He has all the right to refuse.

If your boyfriend agrees, but only on the condition that he or somebody you both know will tag along, it shouldn’t be a problem for you.

It will be a three-way advantage all in your favor.

First, you prove to your boyfriend that you truly love him and will never betray his trust. Second, it will be a good test if your ex is really just out to renew or strengthen your friendship, or is planning something bad against you.

Third, you shield yourself against any possible temptation or infidelity to your boyfriend.

If your ex-boyfriend refuses your having a companion and insists that you come alone, TURN DOWN his invitation ON THE SPOT.

He’s up to something EVIL, believe me.

Now, if you’ll be the one who’ll insist on going, despite your boyfriend’s refusal, then you’re being UNFAITHFUL.

That means you really don’t love your boyfriend. You should have the civility to stop fooling him and END THE RELATIONSHIP right there and then.

And you’ll be the luckiest girl on Earth if your boyfriend won’t do it first.

In or out of marriage, a relationship is a commitment. It should always be a TOTAL COMMITMENT, and not conditional or dependent on your mood.

If you’re not for commitment, and are just looking for a fuck buddy or companionship, then tell it to the guy right from the start. As I’ve said before, NEVER PLAY with emotions.

But keep this in mind, girls: Guys will always go for a girl who believes in commitment. And I mean always, as in now and forever.

True happiness is not just sex and good time, ladies. Think about it, before it’s too late. 30

CHRISTMAS IS YOU!

With your permission, people, let me go a little light for this piece. Here’s a poem I hope you can share with your lovers.

CHRISTMAS IS YOU

Presents may be plenty,

Parties a lot and many,

But Christmas would still be empty,

If you wouldn’t be with me.

For nothing would be sweeter,

In a day of joy and laughter,

Than being together,

With the one you love now and forever.

You’re the only gift I’ll always ask for,

Be it Christmas or whatever, nothing else, nothing more,

Loving you is one thing I’ll never tire of doing,

To High Heavens I swear I can’t be stopped by anything.

So tell me what to do, just to be with you,

Not only this Christmas, but the whole year through,

Your presence makes me happiest, nothing ever will,

Your absence leaves a void, no one can ever fill. 30

IN CHOOSING A CHRISTMAS GIFT...

Since the Christmas shopping rush has started, allow me to remind you of some pointers in choosing a gift for your sweetheart or spouse.

Choose what your beloved likes, and not what you like for him or for her.

Go for something he or she will often, if not always, use. So that it’s you who will come into mind whenever your sweetheart or spouse it’s used. Give priority to what your beloved can use in school or at work. 

Of equal importance is what he or she needs but does not have yet, like wrist watch or new clothes.

If your beloved is moneyed or rich, and already has everything you can think of, go for something he or she has always liked but seldom gets the chance to buy because of  the job a hectic schedule.

For example, his or her favorite food or pastry; the latest book or greatest hits CD of his or her favorite author or singer or, and consider this very seriously people, an image of the Sto. Nino (Child Jesus) or Mama Mary, or his or her favorite saint.

Remember, a Christmas gift DOESN’T ALWAYS have to be EXPENSIVE!

Go only for what you can afford. Your sweetheart or spouse will appreciate and love you more for it. Why? You’re just being yourself (nagpapakatutoo ka lang) and not pretending to be someone you’re not.

If you don’t have any money whatsoever, make your own Christmas card or ask somebody to do one for you if you can’t. Then, write whatever you feel straight from the heart, bring it personally to your lover and read it in the sweetest and most sincere way you can.

If your sweetheart or spouse really loves you, whatever you give will be highly appreciated. If not, and worse he or she will belittle or insult your present, end the relationship on the spot.

You have a ‘material girl’ or ‘material boy’ for a lover.

It’s not only your gift which should matter. It should be the thought, and the concern, You didn’t forget. You did what you could, to the best of your ability, to make him or her happy. Most of all, you’re spending Christmas together, physically or in spirit.

That’s what natters. IT’S THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS! 30

PREGNANT AND ABANDONED BY MARRIED LOVER!

This was the very first reaction I got from our blog “In Love With a Married Suitor!” It’s from a woman whom I’ll hide under the alias MD of Saudi Arabia.

May she be an inspiration to others.

“Hello po. Ewan if it was a coincidence. I have this affair and  my situation is worse than being in love with a married man. it's being pregnant. (I’m) so confused yet there’s just one thing I am very sure of -- whatever (happens) I am going to keep this baby alive. I committed a mistake and I won’t do something against God's law just to maintain a good image to my family and to others. In fact, I am even proud that I i am blessed (with) something other people are dying for. He seems to care, yet he has his family and his name to protect. It doesn’t matter ‘coz from the very start, I knew things are complicated but I was in love. God forgive and bless me!”

Let me still congratulate you MD for having the courage to make the next right move – keeping the baby.

It’s never easy to admit a mistake, especially if ridicule and condemnation from family and friends will most likely be the immediate result. 

But you have the guts to do it, to face the consequences, because you believe it’s the right move. For not correcting your mistake with another wrong move, a mortal sin at that, you deserve all the respect you can get.

Respect and most of all, SUPPORT AND PRAYERS from your family, loved ones and friends. I am not a priest but I will dare say that with your decision to keep your child, God has already forgiven you.

I just hope that you have now learned your lesson.

One way or another, your child will feel and be affected by the aftershocks of this unfortunate romantic adventure. See to it that he or she will be the first and last.

But don’t close your doors to love, either.

The fault of the COWARD and SEXPLOITER who fathered your child is not the sin of every other man in the world.

You deserve to be happy. Believe me, sooner or later, YOU WILL BE HAPPY. God rewards those who repent and make up for their mistakes.

Just leave everything to Him. 30

IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED SUITOR!

A 22-year-old girl from Pasig is falling in love with a married suitor. The guy is separated, or so he says, but she’s confused on how to handle the situation.

DON’T GIVE your precious ‘Yes’ yet. You must be 1001 percent sure that he’s worth it, and that you won’t be entering into a complicated situation wherein you can never win.

First, ask for proof that he’s separated.

Request that you be introduced to his kids, if any, and to his family/siblings as soon as possible.

If he readily agrees to it, then most likely he’s telling the truth.

If he turns you down, and would not run out of reasons why as days go by, HE’S LYING.

Second, get his complete address and pay him a SURPRISE VISIT, as in when he would LEAST EXPECT it like 6 or 7 in the morning, to see for yourself if the wife isn’t really there anymore.

Just be sure you’ll have a logical alibi.

Third, get a DETAILED explanation of why they separated. Think hard if it’s realistic. Even if the wife isn’t home, it may not be a separation but simply a lovers’ quarrel for all you know.

Fourth, question him intensely about the whereabouts of the wife and their separation terms and conditions.

If he’ll have no problem in immediately revealing these, that’s another good sign. He has nothing to fear of you checking out the wife and personally verifying if they had indeed parted ways.

If he’ll say he doesn’t know where she is and has no convincing justification why, you’re in for trouble, girls. That means he’s hiding her from you.

When a man hides something or somebody from the girl he’s courting, he’s not being entirely honest with what he’s been telling her.

DISHONESTY IS NOT, and will NEVER BE, the same as Love.

Fifth, ask him what he’s been doing to officially end their marriage once and for all.  Be sure he’ll include a timetable in his reply.

If he can point out any move he’s been making, and a target date to accomplish the task, it’s an indication of his sincerity and honesty.

If he can’t cite anything, trust me, he’s just taking you for a ride.

Turn him down at once and focus your attention on the love proposal of your more deserving suitors.

All you have to do is open your eyes,  WIDER. 30