REMEMBER YOUR DEARLY DEPARTED WITH LOVE!

Before anything else, please accept my prayers for all your departed loved ones. May they rest in the eternal peace and glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.

And since it’s All Saints’ Day, let us remember them not just for the memories but with LOVE. Not just today but every single day of our lives.

Nobody is perfect. So let’s just think of the good things they had left behind for us, from lessons in life to whatever material possessions they had worked for to give us a better life.

Think of their unfulfilled dreams, and unfinished projects, for the family. Pursue and implement these as soon as possible and to the best of your ability.

If they have a legacy or a charitable undertaking, carry on with it for as long as you can.

Live by the lessons in life that they had taught you, and the discipline they had raised you with. Pass and enforce these on your kids and the rest of the family.

Overall, think of what would have made them happy had they still been alive today, then DO IT.

Our dearly departed will be more at peace wherever they are. Simply because they will see that you’re living the life they had wanted for you, a righteous and God-centered existence both for you and the rest of the family.

In life and in death, our dearly departed had wanted nothing less than that.

Trust me, boys and girls, they would be happier from the Great Beyond if we pay homage to them IN DEED and not just in memory. 30 

ANOTHER 'NO'-NO' IN A RELATIONSHIP!

Here’s another ‘no-no’ in a love affair:

Don’t jump into conclusions based solely on what you think or what others say (rumor or tsismis)) about your partner.

Look for EVIDENCE, INDISPUTABLE EVIDENCE, FIRST. And as what I had written in an earlier blog, ask first before you accuse your partner of anything.

There are three immediate risks in taking somebody’s word as gospel truth.

First, there is no assurance that what is being relayed to you is 100 percent accurate. It’s another person’s interpretation of whatever, but you’re the one who knows your sweetheart or partner best.

Second, there is always the possibility that the person relaying something may have other motives in mind, like destroying your relationship to steal your lover away from you.

I personally know of at least three cases like these.

Third, unless you see it for yourself or will be in possession of INDISPUTABLE PHYSICAL PROOF and not just the words of another person, you can never be sure that the information you’re getting is COMPLETE IN DETAILS.

Any or all of these risks will lead only to one thing, a HELLISH RELATIONSHIP brought about by ERRONEOUS JUDGMENT and appreciation of half-truths or inaccurate information.

The love affair is then wasted and an opportunity for true and lasting happiness flies out to the wind.

All because of a narrow mind which didn’t bother to look for proof first and preferred instead to let somebody else’s mere words dictate his or here state of mind.

End results: You lose, not the informant.  It’s you who’ll get hurt, not the informant.

The choice is yours. 30

A WEAKLING AND A LIAR!

Sally G of Muntinlupa is agonizing on whether or not to let go of her boyfriend.

She had found out that he had been seeing his balikbayan ex-girlfriend without her permission. When she confronted him, he admitted it but claimed it was purely social and for old times’ sake.

I immediately advised her to BREAK OFF with the guy, PRONTO.

I told Sally the guy was a WEAKLING and a liar who doesn’t really love her.

Remember this ladies, if your man hides something from you, that means it’s ‘ILLEGAL’ in your relationship.  Whether or not there had been sex, that’s CHEATING!

 If he really loves you, he wouldn’t cheat on you!

He would tell you about it, and even invite you to accompany him for your peace of mind if it’s really nothing more than a social or business call.

I personally know at least two couples who practice this transparency and believe me, the relationships just keep on getting stronger.

If your guy hides anything from you about a girl and him, whether or not she’s an ex-sweetheart, that can only mean that he is aiming or hoping for something else.

Apart from renewing old ties or having coffee or an innocent lunch.

He’s a weakling for not having the guts to resist the temptation or the prospects of an unexpected adventure from another girl.

So consider this:  If he can deceive you now and get away with it, NOTHING will stop him from cheating on you again in the future, under more heart-breaking and explicit circumstances.

If he’s a weakling who can’t fight off even the simplest prospects of lustful indiscretions, what inner strength and moral support can you expect from him in times of real trouble and distress?

Bottom line: YOU’LL BE THE LOSER, or THE BIGGER LOSER, not him. 30 

NEVER MEDDLE IN LOVE AFFAIRS...

This is for everyone:

As much as possible, NEVER MEDDLE in the romantic relationships of your loved ones.

You can comment, or give an unsolicited advice or two. But leave the final decision to your loved one. Don’t insist on, or force, what you want or what you think is the better option.

If your beloved is happy with his or her partner, is not being maltreated or physically and emotionally abused and in good health, leave them alone.

Each one of us is the master of our destiny. No one has the right to run our lives his or her way. There’s no exception.  We’re still the final judge on where we want to walk through in life.

Remember, all of us have our own standards for happiness.  

There are couples who live in extreme poverty but are still as sweet to each other as when they first started out as lovers.

There are others who are happy only if they have tens or hundreds of thousands or millions of pesos to waste on luxuries.

We may not be happy with what we see in our loved one and his or her partner, but keep in mind that IT’S THEIR LIFE, not yours.  

Interfere, and force only what you want, if you see UNDENIABLE PROOF that your loved one is in a living hell with his or her partner.

For example, bruises or black eyes have become a common sight on your loved one’s body and face because she becomes a  punching bag by his partner whenever he’s drunk or they’re quarrelling.

Your loved one’s partner is having an affair with another person, or their union or relationship is forbidden, legally and morally.

Your loved one is being treated far worse than a slave by his or her partner. He or she is the one earning a living, and spending more for and doing the household chores, while the partner eats, sleeps and watches television day and night.

Your loved one’s becoming sickly and fast getting thin, and the partner isn’t doing anything about it, as in nothing.

There are other exceptions but, I repeat, intervene only if you have to. If you respect your loved one’s choice for a partner, you preserve the peace and harmony between you.

When peace and harmony are preserved, nothing less than a quiet and happy life for everyone follows. 30

DECIDE ON YOUR OWN, BUT LISTEN TO OTHERS!

Before anything else, decision-making is the toughest stage a girl must go through on loving – whether it’s for a new boyfriend or for choosing a lifetime partner.

Whenever I’m asked for advice, I always give two, just two generic suggestions.

Decide on your own, but listen to others.

The final decision will have to come from you. Whatever it is, it must be in accordance with what you really feel, and think as the best choice.

And not what others say or think.

It’s your future, most especially your happiness, which is at stake and not anybody else’s.

You’re the object of affection. It’s you who gets to see and be with the guy most often. Therefore, it’s you who’s in the best position to evaluate or gauge the guy’s true intentions.

Through his actions and reactions, his eyes, his choice of words and every other measure that you can think of.

So take your own sweet time in coming up with your judgment.  No matter how long it takes. A major cause of failed relationships is hasty decisions, often on the part of the girl.

And, remember this, TRUE LOVE IS PATIENT. That’s indisputable, and UNCONDITIONAL.

But there’s nothing wrong if you will ask others -- especially your elders like your parents, grandparents and even uncles and aunts – for their opinion of your chosen one.

Your elders have gone through what you’re into now.

They have had a lot more experience, and known a lot more people than you have. They can look deeper into a person’s eyes, and beyond a guy’s actions, than you can.

Their views and words of wisdom will definitely help you make the right choice. It may not be 100 percent accurate but trust me girls, it will.

Not just dads but elders know best when it comes to love and loving, ladies. Promise.30

BE TOUGH, WHENEVER YOU HAVE TO!

Hi, guys, I’m back.

Back with yet another important reminder for all of us when it comes to love.

In a relationship, see to it that you’ll BE TOUGH whenever you have to. Don’t just threaten. Stop getting angry if words can’t drive your message home into your partner’s brain. BE TOUGH.

Remember this: Not all bull-headed partners can be scared off by words alone.  There will be times when you will have to show that you mean what you say.

So if you say you’ll call for a ‘cool-off’ if your partner does something and you’re still ignored, DO IT.

If you warn your partner that you wouldn’t see him or her if he or she insists on something, go on with your daily life by yourself.

Not just for a day or two, or right after your partner woos you with kisses and hugs and chocolates or flowers.  Warm up to your partner only when you see indisputable proof of the change (s) you want in him or her.

Don’t answer phone calls, or reply to text messages. Even with the intercession of somebody. Avoid your partner like a plague.

And if your partner will still take you for granted, go for the kill – BREAK UP WITH HIM OR HER!

Regardless of whatever dramatics he or she will pull up, tell your partner that you’ll only reconsider the relationship again if you’ll see concrete changes in him or her.

It may not be that easy to do and say but think about this – there is no sane or moral reason either to continue wasting your life on somebody undeserving.

If your partner really loves you, that should make him or her start towing the line.

If your partner won’t, then that should make you realize that you had wasted your precious time, effort and most of all love on somebody unworthy of it.

Keep this in mind, boys and girls, for the rest of your lives: In love, the tough is RESPECTED, the weak ABUSED. 30

YOU''RE IN LOVE IF...

Another commonly asked question by both men and women when it comes to love is: “Am I in love with him/her?”

You’re in love if:

You don’t just miss the other person. You want to be with him or her when you’re not together.

You don’t mind calling or sending a text message first just to get in touch with him or her. Hearing his or her voice is exciting enough for you.

Compared to others, you’re happiest when you’re with him or her.

You keep in mind everything important about the other person and those of his or her loved ones, like birthdays.

Even if there’s no occasion, you’d be happy to give the other person anything you think he or she might like.

You don’t just sympathize with the other person in times of trouble or need. On your own free will, you go out of your way to help him or her.

Even if you’re not asked to, you go all out in extending whatever assistance the other person needs whenever you learn of it.

You try to find out for yourself if the other person is okay or safe when calamities like typhoons or huge fires strike at his or her location. You don’t just think or pray for his or her safety.

Whether or not you’re already lovers, you imagine even once in a while how it would be like to have him or her as a husband or wife.

You always include him or her in all your prayers.

Just one thing, boys and girls: Be sure to give your love only to someone WHO’S WORTH IT. And as I’ve written before, NEVER play with feelings if you’re the object of affection.  30

GIRLS, BEWARE OF THIS LINE!

Reminder, ladies! Beware of this line: “If you love me, you’ll trust me enough to have sex with me!”

If your boyfriend or lover tells you this, BREAK UP WITH HIM!

He doesn’t love you. He only wants sex. He only wants to see and ‘taste’ your body. He’s not after a relationship. He’s just after another conquest to add to his list.

As I’ve said before, sex is a part of love but love IS NOT SYNONYMOUS with sex.

Sex is NOT THE ULTIMATE TEST of a girl’s love for a man. It should never be. Only a maniac would use sex as the best proof of a girl’s love to him.

Keep in mind, girls, you can prove your love for your guy in a lot other ways apart from sex.

Like caring and concern, sacrifice and thoughtfulness, non-sexual manifestations of true love which are just as endearing and valuable as going to bed with him.

If your boyfriend really loves you, he will appreciate these simple gestures as much as having the chance to fuck you.

That’s what true love is all about, loving and appreciating everything about you, and not just what he wants to do with or get from you.

If you’ll agree to have sex with him to prove your love as the challenge goes, then don’t be surprised if he’ll break up with you the very next day.

Or he’ll start getting cold towards you, if not avoiding you, in the days to follow, until you yourself will call for a break-up.

If your boyfriend really loves, you, he will respect your decision.

He won’t pressure or force you into sex. He won’t threaten you with a break-up or anything just to make you give in to his lust.

And if he indeed leaves you because you won’t make love to him, don’t be sad. Instead, BE HAPPY that you’ve saved yourself from a maniac and are now free to look for non-maniacs among the millions of guys out there.

Bottom line: DON’T BE A SUCKER, GIRLS! 30

WHY PEOPLE CHEAT ON THEIR LOVERS!

When cheating strikes a relationship, the immediate question of the grieving partner to the other is “Why?”

Here are some common, and often overlooked, reasons:

NEGLECT – One partner loses time for the other because of work and the pursuit of his or her ambition.

FINANCE AND LAZINESS – The man isn’t earning enough for their household needs and is not doing anything to increase his income.

VERBAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE – One partner insults and  curses, and in some cases hits, the other for even the slightest mistakes, or limitations even if he or she is helpless about it.

VICES -- One partner won’t stop his or her vices even though there’s no extra money for these and the household needs – food, bills to pay or school expenses for the kids – are already being affected.

UNSTOPPABLE INFIDELITY –- One partner won’t stop cheating despite the other’s pleas. So, either out of revenge or loneliness, the other partner starts entertaining admirers from the opposite sex.

ONE-WAY AFFAIR – One partner has turned out to be a dictator on the other – the relationship runs only on his or her terms and desires, and he or she is always, and the only one who is right. The other partner is always wrong.

SEXUAL INCOMPETENCE – One partner can’t satisfy the other sexually, and is not doing anything about it even if the problem has been categorically revealed by his or her lover.

LACK OF AMBITION – One partner has no plans or dreams for a prosperous and happy future and lives by the day. Or he or she has but is not working for it, giving the impression to the other partner that the relationship will not grow and go anywhere.

IMMATURITY – One partner doesn’t think and act according to age, and doesn’t listen to the other partner’s pleadings to start growing up mentally and behaving properly.

So how can you prevent your partner from cheating on you? JUST DO THE REVERSE OF ALL OF THESE. 30

THIS IS EXPLOITATION, NOT LOVE!

One of our readers from Binan town in Laguna has been down with fever and severe cough for the last three days. She doesn’t have extra money for medicine and has no one else to depend on.

Her businessman boyfriend WOULDN’T EVEN GIVE or send money for medicines, or bring her or have her brought to the doctor. Months earlier, she talked to him about her back problem. The guy said “See your doctor,” then left her on her own.

But at least once recently, he took her on a weekend to Baguio.

And get this people, her boyfriend would ask her to come to his place if he wants to and if she’s not sick.  If necessary, he would have his staffers pick her up.

Clearly, this is EXPLOITATION, NOT LOVE.

Keep this in mind, boys and girls: If your sweetheart really loves you, he or she will waste no time in caring for you if you’re sick or helping you if you’re problematic over something.

Your lover will do it voluntarily.

Caring and concern are two of the UNCONDITIOINAL proofs that your sweetheart is dead serious with his or her love for you.

If your sweetheart can’t be with you, you’ll still feel his or he presence through phone calls or text messages, or sending whatever help you need as soon as possible.

True love doesn’t wait, or makes any of the partners wait, in time of sickness or trouble. True love is seeing to it that your partner is safe and well, free from any risk and not worrying about anything, anytime.

If your lover abandons you in time of trouble or need, then you’re not his or her sweetheart.

You’re nothing more than an alternate outlet for sex, an extra source of money or a substitute companion if he or she is lonely or bored and nobody else is around. 

The moment he or she finds somebody younger, sexier, prettier or handsomer and wealthier, that will be it for you.

Don’t be surprised if you’ll be thrown out of the affair like a stinking rag, or an escapee from the home for the aged. Don’t expect any respect from your lover, either.

Why? You allowed him or her to exploit you, to use you. You let him or her get away with it.  30

HOW TO FIGHT INSECURITY!

One of the most commonly overlooked roots of unreasonable jealousy is INSECURITY.

Jealousy strikes when one of the partners feels inferior to another person whom his or her lover deals or socializes with even once in a while.

To minimize, if not remove, insecurity, here’s what you can do:

Always look your best when you’re with your sweetheart. And I mean from head to foot. Spend on your barber or hairdresser, beauty parlor and dermatologist.

It’s perfectly alright to buy new clothes or shoes once in a while.

Don’t be shy to consult your sweetheart if he or she likes it. It’s the best and simplest way for you to be sure he or she will find you attractive in it.

Comments and suggestions from friends and family members can also help.

Always smell your best. Personal hygiene, a visit to your dentist and even a simple perfume or cologne will help a lot.

But KEEP IN MIND that it’s NOT JUST THE LOOKS that matters.

No matter how busy you are, NEVER STOP LEARNING. Whenever you can, read on topics or issues you know nothing of, especially if it’s the interest of your sweetheart or related to his or her profession.

Be up-to-date on current events. So that your lover will never be bored talking to you.

Instead, your sweetheart will be proud and confident to bring you anywhere and introduce you to anybody. He or she knows you won’t be out of place in any discussion or situation.

But never forget to observe good manners and always behave properly, whether it’s just your lover and you or you’re with other people.

Good breeding is one of the traits which readily attract anyone to a member of the opposite sex.

And most all, keep in mind that YOU’RE THE SWEETHEART, NOT THE OTHER PERSON. You’re lover chose you among the rest.

How to keep him or her is up to you. 30

YOUR LOVER IS MATURED ENOUGH IF ...

Here are some common signs of maturity that you can look and watch out for in your lover:

Your lover goes for and does only what is right.

He or she leads or guides you to it, even though it’s not always in accordance with your wishes, because it will make you a better person.

When you’re wrong but still insist on what you want, your lover doesn’t give way whatever it takes (like not seeing or talking to you indefinitely) until you realize your mistake.

If your lover is tempting or ordering you to try or do something bad like illegal drugs, that is not love. Get rid of him or her immediately.

Your lover is not a dictator, prefers a two-way than one-way relationship and readily admits a mistake and apologizes for it.

Your lover is not insecure, doesn’t get jealous without a reason and tries to understand your explanation whenever you quarrel.

If he or she has to, your lover gives way to your needs, your priorities like your job and to your family and loved ones. Instead of forcing you to still see him or her, your lover tells you to take all the time you need to do what you have to do.

Your lover has an ambition to succeed in life and works for it. He or she looks forward to the future, your future as a couple.

He or she doesn’t just daydream, or doesn’t waste time and money on life’s non-essentials like vices (especially drinking and gambling) and endless barhopping or parties with friends.

Your lover has a word of honor.

Your lover is patient enough to know when to keep cool, and when to stand up and be heard.

He or she does not insult or humiliate you, especially in public, if you’re in a misunderstanding. But when it’s a matter of right or wrong or principle, your lover speaks out without hesitation anytime, anywhere.

If you see these traits in your lover, consider yourself blessed and one of the luckiest persons in the world to have him or her. To let him or her go would be the BIGGEST MISTAKE you will ever commit for the rest of your life. 30 

ASK FIRST, BEFORE YOU ACCUSE!

I saw a woman in a live TV show apologizing to her boyfriend for having wrongly accused him of chatting with another girl. It turned out the guy was chatting to his mom.

I said to myself this should be a good reminder to all of us.

Before you accuse your lover of anything towards another guy or girl, ASK FOR AND LISTEN TO THE EXPLANATION FIRST.

Unreasonable jealousy and distrust can KILL A RELATIONSHIP.

Ask for a detailed explanation if you want to. It’s your right. You’re the partner, the lover.

The logic and the manner by which the explanation is delivered can tell you if it’s a lie or not. If it defies logic, or if your lover can’t talk straight while looking at you straight in the eye, then he or she is lying.  

Here are the most common roots of jealousy:

Another man or woman – Ask first who the other person is and why must your lover meet him or her. DON’T MAKE ANY ACCUSATIONS unless you see something incriminating for yourself, like extra-ordinary sweetness or they’re French-kissing or heading towards the nearest motel.

If the issue is related to his or her work, try to find out what you want from your friends among your lover’s co-workers. Better yet, from the boss if you can.

Delay in arriving home or for your date, or answering your call or text message – Think of all the possible reasons first like traffic or work load before you jump into conclusions.

Gifts from other people – It could be a token of appreciation for a favor your lover had done, or for his or her birthday or other occasions like Christmas.

Or the other person could be a long-time friend whom you’re lover had not mentioned to you before.

I repeat, ask first, and listen.

Nobody wants to be distrusted for no justifiable reason. Anybody would readily go for somebody who trusts him or her, anytime.

If you want your relationship to last, keep that in mind.  30 

HOW TO DEAL WITH A BULL-HEADED LOVER!

Question: How do you stop your sweetheart or partner from doing things you hate without ending the relationship?

Answer: Impose a stiff punishment, but be sure to STICK TO IT until your lover obeys you or changes for the better.

Bull-headed partners do their thing, including those you don’t like, because THEY GET AWAY WITH IT. WORDS WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH for them to follow and respect you.

Here’s what you can do:

Give your bull-headed partner the cold shoulder treatment. Wherever you are, talk only in reply to something when you’re together. Otherwise, IGNORE him or her completely, as if you’re alone.

STOP dating him or her, especially if it’s for sex.

STOP SHOWING INTEREST in everything your partner loves and likes, from his or her family to friends and favorites, like food and hobbies.

Show as little concern as possible in everything, whether or not he or she is sick or late in arriving home or in meeting you, problematic at work, or other related circumstances.

Apply reverse psychology, or do the things he or she doesn’t want you to do.  If your lover gets mad, answer back by saying if he or she can do it to you, then why can’t you?

Socialize and excitedly tell your partner about the new guys or girls you’ve just met. Without directly comparing them, zero in on the good traits you find on your new acquaintance.

If all these won’t work, initiate a no-holds barred dialogue with emphasis on the fact that the relationship is one-way and getting nowhere.

Be sure that you’ll talk in a place where you’ll be safe. No one can really tell 100 percent how a bull-headed partner will react in situations like that.

If possible, bring a friend with you and ask him or her to watch and listen from the nearest possible position.

If the dialogue fails, it’s time to THROW YOUR LOVER OUT and exit from the inferno you’re in. There’s no excuse for wasting one’s life on somebody UNWORTHY of it.  30

TIME TO LET GO IF...

This topic was suggested by our friend April Kathlene Penuela.

Not all love affairs culminate in marriage or lifetime ‘live-in’ unions. Some simply fail or don’t wok out, regardless of how long the couple has been together.

So the question is when do you let go of your lover, and of the affair? Consider these suggestions, boys and girls.

Time to let go if:

Your lover is married, or is also having an affair with another person with your knowledge.

You have already cheated on your lover by whatever manner, whether you simply went on an innocent date with another man or woman without permission or had sex all night long with him or her.

In your heart and mind, you can no longer deny that you have fallen in love with somebody else, even if you’ve not started out with that person.

The relationship isn’t growing, or getting nowhere. You quarrel a lot more often than being sweet to and sharing dreams with each other. 

You no longer miss your lover when he or she isn’t around.

You no longer get jealous even when he or she is openly flirting with somebody else, or asks permission to meet an ex-sweetheart, an admirer or crush for whatever reason.

You don’t, or hardly, worry now if your lover if sick, late in coming home or in a far and dangerous land. You don’t even feel checking on his or her condition regularly.

You don’t go all-out anymore in helping solve his or her problems, and blame first before asking questions.

You now prefer, and enjoy being with somebody else, whether friends or admirers, than your lover.

I agree 1001 percent that in most cases, it’s never that easy and simple to let go.

But remember, boys and girls, there’s no justification for you to CONTINUE SUFFERING, OR LET OTHER PEOPLE SUFFER, UNNECESSARILY.

You’ll be the bigger loser in the long run, believe me. 30

SACRIFICE FOR YOUR LOVER ONLY IF ...

Sacrifice goes with love and loving. But the question is when should we sacrifice for our lover and when should we not. 

Sacrifice for your lover only if:

Your sweetheart is incapable of carrying out duties or responsibilities in the relationship due to a valid reason, like physical disability or his or her job.

Your sweetheart simply doesn’t have the means to provide the lifestyle and comforts you want in a relationship.

Your sweetheart can only offer you so much because he or she is the only one who spends for and looks after their family.

Your sweetheart is correcting character flaws or imperfections that often lead to quarrels or misunderstandings between the two of you.

Your sweetheart is working his or her butt out in the office for both higher pay and recognition by superiors for possible promotion.

Your sweetheart is controlling unnecessary expenses because he or she already wants to save for your future as a couple.

Your sweetheart acknowledges your efforts and reciprocates by following your suggestions or wishes as proof that he or she really loves you.

STOP, or don’t even think of sacrificing in any manner if:

Your sweetheart would not even listen to your ideas or comments to keep the love alive in your relationship.

Your sweetheart doesn’t want to hear your constructive criticisms of his or her personality.

Your lover is LAZY and does not even dream of succeeding in life.  This kind of sweetheart will lead you to a life of financial and emotional suffering, not of Paradise.

For your lover, it’s only he or she who is always right and you’re always wrong. I have a friend from Paranaque who has been carrying this kind of cross since she married her husband 15 or so years ago.

Your partner consistently belittles or insults your financial, social and professional standing. You don’t have a lover. You have a gold digger or a social climber.

You’re getting sick, and your job or relationship with your family is being adversely affected by the sacrifices you’re doing.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Love is a two-way street, not one. THAT’S UNCONDITIONAL! 30

SEX AS SIGN OF A DYING LOVE!

Here’s another important reminder, boys and girls.

Sex may be a manifestation of love, but it can also be a sign that your partner doesn’t love you anymore.

The age-old belief that people have sex only with the one they love is still true to scores of men and women worldwide. But likewise countless are those who resort to sex as in indirect way of telling their partners they want to end the relationship.

When you see or notice any of the following common signs in your sweetheart or spouse, the end is near for your affair:

The number of times your partner agrees to sex is getting fewer and fewer as days go by. He or she comes up with all kinds of alibis just to avoid being in bed with you.

Sometimes, it has to take a miracle to make your partner agree to sex.

Your partner says he or she is too tired from work for sex, but is always alive to chat with friends.

There’s no more warmth in your partner’s kisses.

Your partner doesn’t do anything, literally and figuratively, in sex. He or she doesn’t respond to your romancing or any other maneuverings you make and is as dry as the desert.

Instead of asking you to take your time in turning him or her on, your partner orders you instead to cut the seduction and go straight to penetration.

And when penetration indeed takes place, your partner readily turns his or her back from you to sleep without saying a word, as if nothing had happened.

Your partner has practically stopped having sex with you.

Be very observant and alert in looking out for these signs of a fading love. Whatever alibi your partner gives in refusing sex, verify it yourself.

The moment you see any of these indicators of a dying love, GET OUT of the relationship ASAP, first. It will be a lot more painful for you if you’ll wait for your partner to cal for a split.

Believe me ! 30

TORN BETWEEN TWO LOVERS!

A female former classmate of mine is torn between two lovers. She already wants to stick to one but does not know how to go about it.

I told her first, choose the guy you love more. She asked, how can she tell who among the two? I gave her four basic sings.

The guy you miss more when he’s not around.  

The guy whom you worry more about or care for when he’s sick or late for your date, or simply in fetching you from somewhere.

The guy whom you’re willing to do more for and whatever you can to help solve his problems.

The guy whom you’re happier and relaxed to be with when you’re together, or whom you imagine of more as a husband.

With these criteria, decide PURELY based on feelings. Not on financial security or in pursuit of your interests. I’m not rich, people, but trust me money and material possessions can’t buy true happiness.

You may feel satisfied and secured at first but believe me, in the long run, there will always be an inexplicable void or emptiness regardless of how much you have if there is no love.

And take your time in deciding. As I’ve advised before in an earlier blog, don’t be shy or afraid to consult friends or relatives. They may be seeing other factors that you don’t which could help you make the right choice.

Once you have decided, end your relationship with the other guy as soon as you can. And I mean personally.

The longer you delay it, the more difficult it will be to do.

Most of all, you’ll face greater risks in having either of the two find out the true setup. When this happens, you’ll lose both of them. It will be a lot more painful for you, promise, than to your lovers.

Not to mention the guilt you’ll bear and the peace of mind you’ll lose for the rest of your life. A situation I’m sure none of us would want to be in. 30

DON'T BE A MARTYR IN LOVE!

A friend of mine from Paranque asked if it’s okay to be a martyr in love. She’s been married to her husband for more than 10 years, but is now considering separating from him.

Her husband’s laziness has reached the point of passing on the bigger share of household expenses to her.

I immediately advised” Get rid of him.

I’m not an advocate of separation or break-up but martyrdom in love has very serious repercussions which are being overlooked by all of us.

Consider these scenarios:

For sweethearts or couples without kids, the sacrificing partner will lose the respect of his or her lover. He or she will be looked upon as a weakling or one without a backbone.

One who doesn’t have the guts to fight for his or her rights, and definitely abused emotionally and mentally.

As the sacrificing partner continues to be an unnecessary martyr, he or she will be depressed and out of focus at work or at school.

Performance will go down. With it, his or her grades at school or ratings at work, which will further lead to loss of promotional opportunities.

When friends and family learn and see how the sacrificing partner is destroying his or herself, they too will lose respect.

They will pity him or her, yes. But the sacrificing partner should not expect any help. No one else can do anything to change the situation but him or her.   

Eventually, the sacrificing partner will be alone, physically and emotionally.

For couples with kids:

It will be a lot worse for the kids if their parents will not separate but will argue day and night over almost everything as they watch or listen helplessly.

The kids will never have peace and mind. They will have sleepless nights.

They will be filled with fear or tension round-the-clock over when is the next fight and will it just verbal or physical. Eventually, their physical and mental health will be affected, and everything that goes with it like their studies and behavior.

And if money is the root of the gap between the couple, the sacrificing partner will deteriorate if he or she will shoulder the bigger or the entire financial burden just to preserve the union.

Bottom line: ONLY THE SACRIFICING PARTNER LOSES. Anyone wants to be in that situation?

By all means, save the relationship as much as you can. But sacrifice ONLY IF YOUR LOVER IS WORTH IT. Once the relationship starts to destroy you, there should be no other alternative but to end out of it. Regardless of how long it has been.

You have your own life. First and foremost, YOU SHOULD LIVE IT FOR YOURSELF, NOT FOR SOMEONE ELSE. 30

YOUR SUITOR iIS SERIOUS IF...

A personal female friend of mine has just asked me how can she tell if he suitor is serious with her or not.

Your suitor is serious if:

He doesn’t hide anything from you about his past or present, his immediate family and relatives and his personal affairs which you should know as his beloved.

He’s not courting anyone else as per your verification.

He DOES NOT PRESS or demand for your decision, and waits PATIENTLY as in until it comes from you.

He’s also interested in your family, friends and loved ones. As the saying goes, if you love somebody, you also love everybody she loves.

He’s NOT AFRAID to face your family and everybody else you can think of anytime, anywhere.

He courts you AT HOME, first and foremost, before anywhere else, old-fashioned as it may seem.

He gives way to your priorities like office work or family matters and makes his presence felt only when you’re free.

He remains consistent in the care and concern he has been showing since he started courting you, even if it has already been months and he can’t see any real clear sign that he stands a good chance.

He doesn’t change even if you reveal unpleasant facts about yourself or your family, or there will be changes in your professional or financial status.

He’s present, even if you don’t ask him to, when you need help like when you’re stranded in a typhoon or going home alone late at night. If he can’t come, he’ll constantly call you until you’re home safe.

He doesn’t ask, insinuate or even joke for anything in return for whatever favors or gifts you receive for him.

He’s courting you for who you are, not what you are or what you can do for him or his profession, if you become lovers.

If your suitor shows these signs, DON’T LET HIM GO and start out with him at once.  You’ll be depriving yourself of a chance for true happiness if you won’t. 30

NEVER CLOSE YOUR DOOR TO LOVE!

Our friend, Carol L. of Manila, is confused.

She is getting pessimistic and fatalistic on failing in love again but is also afraid of not loving and being with someone when the time comes. Her most serious affair had a rather unpleasant end.

To Carol L. and all you girls out there who are in a similar state of mind:

First and foremost, if one guy broke your heart, it doesn’t automatically mean that everybody else will. The fault of one guy is not the fault of the entire male race.

Second, you’ll never really know if a guy is indeed serious with you or not if you won’t give him a chance to prove he’s worthy of your love.

Be it during his courtship or the two of you as sweethearts. You cannot, and should not, judge a guy simply by what he says. It’s one of the two most unfair things you can do to any man, the other being cheating on him.

Remember, action speaks louder than words. But a guy can only show his stuff if you would allow him to.

Third, you deprive yourself of all the opportunities to true happiness when you shut your door to love just because of a heart ache or two.

You won’t have someone to spend your life with. No one to take extra special care of you, or to stand by and help you in times of trials, no shoulder to cry on or no one to cheer you up in moments of sadness and no one to share with or dedicate your success to, or enjoy special occasions of love and joy with like Christmas.

You lose everything. You gain nothing.

There will always be an inexplicable void in whatever you achieve. Deep inside you, it will still mean nothing. And be true to yourselves ladies. Don’t deny, please.

We have all experienced pain in one form or another when it comes to love. It’s not just you, girls.

So unless you’ve gone insane, there’s no reason for you to be alone, and lonely, for the rest of your life just because one man once broke your heart.

It may take some time but your share of happiness will always be there, waiting.

If your love affair didn’t work out, it’s because God knows you won’t be happy with that person and you deserve somebody better.

Believe me, ladies. 30