Thursday, October 6, 2011


A friend of mine from Paranque asked if it’s okay to be a martyr in love. She’s been married to her husband for more than 10 years, but is now considering separating from him.

Her husband’s laziness has reached the point of passing on the bigger share of household expenses to her.

I immediately advised” Get rid of him.

I’m not an advocate of separation or break-up but martyrdom in love has very serious repercussions which are being overlooked by all of us.

Consider these scenarios:

For sweethearts or couples without kids, the sacrificing partner will lose the respect of his or her lover. He or she will be looked upon as a weakling or one without a backbone.

One who doesn’t have the guts to fight for his or her rights, and definitely abused emotionally and mentally.

As the sacrificing partner continues to be an unnecessary martyr, he or she will be depressed and out of focus at work or at school.

Performance will go down. With it, his or her grades at school or ratings at work, which will further lead to loss of promotional opportunities.

When friends and family learn and see how the sacrificing partner is destroying his or herself, they too will lose respect.

They will pity him or her, yes. But the sacrificing partner should not expect any help. No one else can do anything to change the situation but him or her.   

Eventually, the sacrificing partner will be alone, physically and emotionally.

For couples with kids:

It will be a lot worse for the kids if their parents will not separate but will argue day and night over almost everything as they watch or listen helplessly.

The kids will never have peace and mind. They will have sleepless nights.

They will be filled with fear or tension round-the-clock over when is the next fight and will it just verbal or physical. Eventually, their physical and mental health will be affected, and everything that goes with it like their studies and behavior.

And if money is the root of the gap between the couple, the sacrificing partner will deteriorate if he or she will shoulder the bigger or the entire financial burden just to preserve the union.

Bottom line: ONLY THE SACRIFICING PARTNER LOSES. Anyone wants to be in that situation?

By all means, save the relationship as much as you can. But sacrifice ONLY IF YOUR LOVER IS WORTH IT. Once the relationship starts to destroy you, there should be no other alternative but to end out of it. Regardless of how long it has been.

You have your own life. First and foremost, YOU SHOULD LIVE IT FOR YOURSELF, NOT FOR SOMEONE ELSE. 30

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